Did you feel the need to tell me you were gay?

A few years ago, I developed a close friendship with someone, and although they had been with members of the opposite sex, they were now attracted to members of the same sex. This was something that became perfectly clear when they talked about this area of ​​their lives, after we had been friends for a bit.

I had thought that this might be the case at the beginning of our friendship, but I wasn’t entirely sure. So when they started talking about this area of ​​their lives, I asked them if they felt the need to tell me they were gay.

An important point

They ended by saying that they hadn’t felt the need to tell me this, and soon after, I came to the conclusion that they had the right perspective. Ultimately, I couldn’t care less who they were attracted to.

I choose my friends based on who they are as people, rather than who they’re attracted to, for example. Actually, who they were attracted to was none of my business, and therefore there was no reason for them to tell me.

a key factor

I think the fact that they didn’t tell me this directly and just talked about this area of ​​their life showed how comfortable they were with their own sexuality. If, on the other hand, they hadn’t felt that way about their own sexuality, they might have felt the need to tell me.

This would have been a way for them to find out if he would accept them or not. And because of how people can be treated if they reveal that they’re not attracted to the opposite sex or are attracted to both, it wouldn’t have been a surprise for them to date someone like that.

a solid foundation

What I thought influenced how comfortable they felt with themselves was the support they received early in life. I had the impression that their family accepted them then and now.

The early support they received, and continue to receive, would have made it easier for them to handle the challenges of adult life. When I think about what this person was like, I would say that she was one of the most confident people I have ever met.

The other side

I think all of this empathizes with how important it is for someone to be accepted early in life, regardless of their sexual orientation. When this happens, they will be much more confident and resilient as adults.

When this does not happen, it can be normal for someone to look to others to give them what they did not receive as children. The hurt parts of them will want to be accepted unconditionally, but other adults will not be able to offer this.

final thoughts

If someone is having trouble accepting themselves, it will be vital that they seek the right support and not suffer in silence. This is something a therapist or healer can provide, for example.