How to save your failed marriage when your spouse wants to end it
Many times when a marriage is in trouble it is not a mutual agreement between the husband and wife to separate or divorce. Most likely, one spouse initiates the breakup, while the other is left shocked, saddened, and desperate for a better solution. If you want to know how to save your failed marriage when your spouse wants to end it, I have some important information to share with you based on years of knowledge and personal experience.
My wife hit me with this devastating news a few years ago and there seemed to be no hope of saving our marriage at the time. Not prepared to hear that she wanted a divorce and having no idea of the correct way to respond, I acted in a way that came naturally to me and seemed to make the most sense. The following are very common mistakes that many people make when facing a divorce:
- Pleading with your spouse not to go through with the divorce
- Arguing or yelling at your spouse
- In tears
- Suicide threats or retaliation of any kind.
- Promise to change if you get another chance
- Constant phone calls or text messages to your spouse
I was guilty of begging and pleading, phoning, arguing, and trying to make my wife feel guilty. You may have already guessed that these techniques didn’t work. In fact, they actually made things worse because they seemed to reinforce in her mind that this hateful desperate person was not someone she wanted to be with.
I later found out about a very valuable resource that was doing the complete opposite of what it should have been doing. If you want to save your failed marriage, there are specific things you need to do and say, and specific ways you need to act. It’s not rocket science, but it turns conventional marriage counseling on its head. Most therapists who call themselves “marriage counselors” have about a 20% success rate in saving marriages. There is a much more effective method.