Single parents looking for love? This dating strategy is good for your children and relationships

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Are you a single parent looking for love? Do you know how to satisfy your children’s need for attention along with your need to find love in a new relationship? You are about to learn a dating strategy that puts your children’s needs first, while also improving your relationships. Does it seem counter intuitive? I’ll explain why I resisted at first and how I realized that this dating strategy can be good for your kids and your love life.

A few months after my divorce, I met a wonderful man for casual dating when he asked if he could meet my children. I thought you’d like it, so I agreed. We meet for dinner at an outdoor cafe on a warm summer evening. My teenage son was friendly. His little sister was silent, unless we nudged her to answer my date’s questions. So she was rude and totally unlike herself. In a private moment, I asked my daughter what was wrong with her.

“I think it was mean to me in another life,” he said, as if it was the worst flaw he could imagine in such a short time.

Was I sabotaging my first budding relationship after my divorce?

No way. She could feel her pain. I knew she wasn’t ready to see me out. I hugged her and decided it was time to embrace the dating strategy she had learned in my divorce counseling.

Single dating strategy for single parents:

Keep your love life private from your children. Do not allow your children to spend time with your date, unless you plan to marry this person. This means they don’t sleep over with their date when their kids are home. Without exceptions. I felt like Ofelia being banished to a convent when I first heard that advice. As a mother, I understood the reasoning behind this, before it was explained to me.

Why should we accept this dating strategy?

Your children are adjusting to your divorce. They want and deserve your unconditional love and undivided attention, rather than sharing it with your date. Who wants him to have a calm relationship with his father. They can deal with it by dating because they don’t live with it. Your home is a safe haven for you and your children. Leave it that way.

As a responsible parent, our primary focus is to put our children’s needs first and help them flourish after a big change in our family unit. Does this mean that a custodial parent should stop dating?

Absolutely not. Remember, the strategy is simply to keep your love life private from your children. Here are several reasons why this strategy can be good for your kids and your love life:

You will be encouraged to choose a person who understands and supports your dating limits and parenting goals. They will build a new relationship slowly, waiting until they envision a long-term future together before introducing this special friend to their children.

Until then, you’ll have an incentive to take an overnight trip with your partner, meet up at a motel, or have a lunch date at home while your kids are at school. This dating limit can lead to a sense of intrigue in a short-term relationship, which can end if there are no common interests or values ​​binding you and your date after the intrigue wears off. Why is this good news for single parents?

You will wisely exit a short-term relationship with your love lessons learned, without having put your children in a position to bond with your date and go through another breakup. You will be confident in long-term compatibility with your new partner before you let your children meet them.

Why do some single parents resist this advice?

They may want the pleasure of bonding regularly overnight with their date. They may want to enjoy some cozy time at home or on outings with their date and children. They may not want to put off these family-focused pleasures until they are in a serious, committed relationship. Are you thinking of other reasons to resist?

What do family experts say to single parents who resist this dating strategy?

Parents are role models for children. Parents who have a series of short-term relationships in front of their children will most likely raise children who will be sexually promiscuous at an early age. So said Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D., Director of the Nightingale Counseling Center in Yorba Linda, California. In a recent ThirdAge article by Charles Downey, Dr. Nightingale concluded, “Shaping is the most powerful parenting tool known.”

Take a moment to ask yourself a few questions:

What kind of role model are you? Do you put your children’s needs first?

Does it help you feel secure in all aspects of life after your divorce, even if this includes having a calm and positive relationship with your ex-spouse or partner? If your children lost a parent to death, are you helping them grieve the love they lost while they see the love they have left?

Do you make sure that your children don’t feel the need to compete with your partner for your attention? Do you see this as a small personal sacrifice that gives great gifts of security and confidence to your children?

Do you see how this dating strategy can change when your kids start dating? Then you can show them how our dating choices can inspire happiness and well-being in ourselves and our families.

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