Aaaay, another one bites the dust

I went on Facebook today. Nothing unusual there. I decided to look for an acquaintance of mine. I do this sometimes when I’m nosy or looking for inspiration. On this occasion, the latter was my motivation.

This woman has recently started her own business and while exploring the concept myself I hit the search button. She’s a bit younger than me and successful by social standards; career, marriage and a small personal business. Despite this, by social standards, this woman is considered “unattractive.” She is overweight and often pushes herself too hard. Her Facebook posts of her often reflect an insecure soul desperately pretending she’s okay with who she is. You might meet someone similar who immediately comes to mind. Anyway, I have no problem with this, the world is full of insecure people. What bothers me about her is the flavor of arrogance that she uses to try to make up for her insecurities. Personally, this affects me, since I can’t stand falsehood, subtleties or “show off”, so she was always just an acquaintance. I kept her as a Facebook friend because despite her insecurities, her looks, and her arrogant style, this woman inspired me.

So imagine my horror when I found out that she had eliminated me. OK, I wasn’t that horrified, but still. I was like, oh, another one bites the dust.

And because? By societal standards, I guess you could say that I’m considered attractive, successful in my career, and recently married. My Facebook posts are filled with satirical humor to make sure people stay friends with me. As a successful and attractive woman, I am a threat to other women. I have often known that I have inspired other ladies, who for the most part, I have embraced and enjoyed. I have also enjoyed drawing inspiration from other women.

5 years ago I divorced. It was very much my bottom when I went through a meltdown. So I had many friends. People also seemed to like it better. I think some people really loved the fact that someone, ‘like me’, wasn’t perfect. I know, because I also enjoy the fact that I find out that someone I admire isn’t perfect. How sad is that?

So today when I found out that my friend had stopped being friends with me, it hurt a little. Because being successful and happy can be a very lonely business for women. For men, it is celebrated. For women, it is tolerated. For this very reason, I have often had more male friends than female friends. In the context of friendship, men do not feel threatened by a successful and happy woman. I am also aware that any man reading this will think that I have male friends because I am hot and they just want to try to be with me. Which is partly true, I’m not an idiot. But not all guys are so shallow and the ones that tried, we’ve often become great friends despite everything.

It saddens me that finding happiness and getting married provokes this kind of reaction. I understand that it probably triggered something in her that makes her feel uncomfortable with herself. Is this what the world is becoming? Is a place where feeling uncomfortable is too much of a challenge?

It is much easier to exclude than to deal with ourselves. But just in case, by writing this I would like to encourage you not to always succumb to the easy. Say hello to the woman who seems to have everything under control, don’t be intimidated by her. She’s probably lonelier than you think.