What to know and look for during courtship
Everything in this world exists for a purpose, courtship cannot be an exception. Many make the mistake of thinking that courtship implies knowing how the other can perform sexually. Some have even taken dating to be the equivalent of courtship. This misunderstanding of courtship could lead them not to investigate what happens after courtship. But courtship is “the time when a woman and a man,” as John Mark Ikpiki defines it, “keep constant company to find out whether or not they are mutually suitable for marriage” has a more “real” nature. That is, it gives space, unlike dating, for a comprehensive assessment of potential partners. It gives partners the opportunity to test each other’s feelings, ideals and orientation in life. It is a time to get to know each other and find out if the partners are right for each other. It also gives partners time to discover important life issues that they anticipate in the marriage.
In all of this, therefore, intended couples should know that a social relationship is needed at this stage, not a sexual relationship. Some partners during courtship are dealing with romance and so thinking about important issues regarding their future seems impossible. Planning is the foundation of courtship. Love is not just passion or sex, although it is necessary for a marriage to flourish. Falling in love is only the beginning of love but not of love. Love is not sex, if it were; prostitutes would make the best lovers. The display of affection must be kept within the limits of God’s commandments. True love tends towards union, a union of hearts, not necessarily of bodies. Having the urge to always have your partner with you is also not love. A marriage that has its origins in such circumstances is virtually certain to end in disappointment and disaster.
Common interest is another is another vital factor that partners must take into account. Over time, we have noticed that many get married only to discover that they do not have the same areas of interest. Couples who share similar interests have a better chance of enriching their marriage. Of course, there must be some common interests that can be shared, especially during free time. For example, some husbands complain about their wives’ style regarding fashion, cosmetics, attending parties, etc., while on the other hand, some wives do not like their husband’s attitude towards sports, gambling, political movies, etc. If all of these were revealed and addressed before marriage, you would be little to no bone of contention.
Another area that partners need to explore in trying to understand each other is emotional maturity. One could ask a few questions, like this: does either partner respect opinion? Is he mature in his approach to problems? How do you control your sexual impulses? These questions must be considered because a couple who is unfaithful during the dating period will probably not remain faithful even after the marriage. Does your partner constantly criticize your appearance or accept you as you are? Are your ideas and standards of morality, economics, social life such that there can be no agreement? You must erase all this before marriage. Don’t get married with the “miracle will happen” mentality
The Catholic Church in its wisdom advises over and over again couples who intend to undergo medical examinations to avoid doubts about such an ailment contrary to marriage. It is essential to know if the couple is compatible before proceeding to the commitment. Blood and genital tests will help to make an early decision if there could be a problem during the marriage.
In the opinion of Jane Kiura, “During courtship, it is vitally important to share and discuss your beliefs honestly.” Do you share a common faith in God? A common faith and religious life is a powerful tool for a healthy home. And along with this, there is parental involvement. Friendship should be fostered between both families. Parents, including siblings, should have the opportunity to interact with partners and offer helpful advice.
In general, marriage is a delicate institution, and the people who enter into it should not do it in such a hurry, not without due understanding and appreciation of all their responsibilities. Marriages who have daily tested themselves in courtship school, investigated their differences of thought and habit, and weighed their sensitive natures, and finally concluded that marriage was possible, may, with God’s help, look towards a future full of contentment.