If you want to be a master communicator, shut up and listen!

There is no one in the world more powerful than a great communicator.

The ability to masterfully communicate is like The Midas Touch. It allows you to turn virtually any opportunity into pure gold. Through skillful communication, success becomes possible in every area of ​​your life: career, relationships, finances. Effective communication is key to all this and more.

So what makes someone a great communicator? What is that rare ability that allows some people to forge real, meaningful, and mutually satisfying connections with others?

For years I have taught classes, conducted seminars and advised people on their communication and presentation skills. And almost everyone I’ve worked with believes that being an effective communicator simply means being able to get your point across, successfully expressing your thoughts, ideas, and feelings to others.

But in fact, that’s only a very small part of the equation. This skill alone will not allow you to forge meaningful connections. In fact, if all you focus on is your personal agenda, chances are you won’t get anywhere. How many times have you watched an eloquent speaker with what seems to be all the right techniques, a great vocabulary, all poise and polish, only to find that his words ultimately fall flat?

Look up “communication” in the dictionary and you will see that it is derived from the Latin word communicare, “to communicate, to share”, literally “to make common”. So real communication is not simply a transmission of ideas; it is an exchange, a kind of dialogue. Effective communication is sharing information, the union of two unique points of view, that of the communicator and that of the person with whom he is communicating. Sometimes those views are in sync, sometimes they are in conflict; but they are always different. Perspective, experience, interpretation, concerns, goals, mood, etc. from no one. is identical to yours. Understanding this fact is key to making powerful connections.

If you don’t take anything else from this article, remember this statement: Effective communication is always a two-way street.

For real, meaningful communication to happen, information needs to flow both ways, not just from you, but back to you. By fully appreciating this concept, you will be able to do whatever it takes to make real connections with others and ultimately improve your chances of getting what you want out of every communication encounter.

How can you make this exchange possible? Stop talking and listen.

Most of us are pretty good at talking. We talk like crazy. We talk about our problems, our achievements, our relationships, our headaches, our dreams. We talk about everything that matters to us. Unfortunately, those topics are rarely the ones that most interest others.

On the other hand, unfortunately most of us are lousy listeners. In fact, most people, even when they appear to be listening intently to another person, are actually lost in their own thoughts, often wondering what they are going to say next.

Really listening to what others have to say, what they care about, what they want, what they fear, what they expect will ultimately allow you to better connect with them and help them understand your message.

Being an effective listener is probably the most important quality of a great communicator. Just look at some of the best out there. Those who know him have often reported that President Bill Clinton makes everyone he talks with feel as if they are the only person in the room. Reverend Billy Graham is able to touch the emotions of thousands of people at the same time, who feel that he is speaking to them personally. Winston Churchill tapped into the fears and dreams of an entire nation and inspired them to greatness. Think of the great communicators you have met in your own life and how they somehow seemed to speak a language you actually understood.

Speak the language of others. That is what true communication is about.

Think of it this way. Suppose you had to deliver important information to someone, but that person only spoke Japanese and you didn’t. What would you do? Your message may be translated or an interpreter may be available. But if you didn’t figure out how to get your message across somehow in the language that person understands, it would fall on deaf ears. No matter how eloquently you made your point, it wouldn’t make sense, because you didn’t speak the language.

If you are going to be one of the best communicators in the world, you are going to have to learn the language of others and then frame your message in a way that they understand and appreciate.

Here are some things you can start doing right now to become a more effective communicator.

1. Train yourself to really listen. When trying to connect with someone, really focus on them, what they say and how they behave. Consciously try to block out everything else: your thoughts, the distractions around you, etc. Be sure not to speak yourself until the other person has expressed a complete thought. Fight the urge to interrupt or finish your sentences. Try to be genuinely interested in every word you say.

2. Recognize the words and feelings of others. When it’s your turn to speak, start by confirming to the other person that you really heard them. There are several ways to do this. You may want to comment on what you have just been told. “I imagine it was difficult.” Could you ask a question. “Wow, what happened after that?” Mirroring is another good technique to let someone know you heard them. Basically, it’s just repeating back to the other person what they just said and asking them to confirm that you understood. “So it sounds like this was a really positive experience for you, doesn’t it?” When you let people know that you’re really listening to them, they’ll be more interested when it’s time for you to share your thoughts with them.

3. Listen with your eyes. There may be no better way to let someone know you’re listening than by maintaining strong, consistent eye contact. This is very important when you are speaking, but even more so when you are the listener. Do not look down. Don’t look around the room. Don’t look at other people. Look into the eyes of the person who is speaking to you and he will know that you are interested in what he says. (Important! This may sound crazy, but you have to choose one eye to look at. That’s right, left or right, you choose. But you have to focus on one. If you don’t, your gaze will drift from one to the other the other will exhibit what is commonly referred to as “shifty eyes” which most people interpret as a sign of nervousness).

4. Relate your thoughts to theirs. Finally, it is your turn to express your ideas, feelings and wishes. To be most effective, try to build your thoughts on what you just heard. “I’m glad you brought that up, because I’ve been thinking of something very similar.” Even if your point of view is opposite to theirs, you will make it more meaningful to your listener by pointing out that fact. “I certainly hear what you’re saying and understand why you think that way. But I have a different perspective on the situation. Let me explain.” By connecting your point with theirs, you make it relevant to them.

It all boils down to this: masterful communication is a conscious act. It requires focus, attention, foresight, and appreciation from the person you hope to forge a connection with.

Take the time to learn and apply these few skills, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a great communicator and reaping untold rewards in the process.