Happy Habits for Relationships
Romance is a way of expressing your love, the icing on the cake. But don’t wait for special occasions to express your love. Make sure you nurture your love relationship by practicing these basic habits in your daily life. These may seem very basic, but how many do you practice regularly? Don’t despair… it’s never too late to adopt good love habits.
Most of the couples who come to my counseling practice due to problems report that their marriage lost its romance a long time ago. It’s easy to feel romantic when you’re living apart and dating, because every moment you spend together is special. From the moment you start living together, those romantic moments are no longer automatic. Instead, much of their time together is spent on more mundane things: doing laundry, doing the dishes, paying the bills, or going to work. Although this may be new, exciting, and fun at first, as soon as the initial novelty of living together wears off, everyday things stop feeling exciting and romantic, and you may feel worried that your partner doesn’t care as much or is so excited to be with you.
Developing these good relationship habits will make a big difference in your happiness.
good relationship habits
1. Don’t resist, listen.
We often have an instinctive negative response to what a partner tells us or wants to do. Instead of responding negatively, “That won’t work…” “We can’t do that…” Try listening and thinking for a few more seconds. You may find that your initial response changes, and in any case, listening and understanding is not the same as agreeing. When your spouse feels that you care about what he says, the nature of communication will change for the better.
2. Increase sweetness.
Married life has its inevitable stresses and strains. To keep things in balance, we need to put some energy into increasing the sweetness between us. The consideration, the ‘thank you’ and the gestures of courtesy and affection are the WD-40 of your marriage. Say “I love you” every day. Keep things running smoothly by remembering to add a dash of sweetness often. You will be surprised how much better you feel and how much more receptive your partner is.
3. Goodbye kiss and hello.
Give him a hug while you do it. Affection keeps the juices flowing and the romance alive.
4. Keep up your courtship behavior.
Treat your partner even better than when you were a couple… Remember that you are a couple. Touch each other. Sit close to your partner and gently place your hand on his or her shoulder, leg, or arm. If you’re in the car, touch them lightly on the shoulder or arm. You will find that your conversation becomes warmer and more affectionate. If you have been struggling or are ready to forgive each other, looking at each other and holding hands will help you feel more secure and positively connected.
5. Don’t worry about the little things.
You can let their bad habits annoy you into distraction… or you can accept them and fix them. Does she leave the cap off the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes… Do you leave clothes lying around? Ignore them or pick them up, remembering how much he does for you in other ways. Or make it easy for your partner to satisfy you… place baskets and clothes hangers within easy reach.
6. Focus on the positive.
Instead of thinking about the ways they let you down, think about all the positive things about your partner that drew you to them in the first place.
7. Take a breather when you’re angry.
Don’t try to talk when either of you is angry. Take a few minutes to walk around the block, lie down, just walk away from each other so you can regroup. A short break will allow both of you to stay on track and talk about what’s bothering you instead of accidental personal insults you’ll later regret.
8. Don’t use your partner’s secrets or weaknesses against them…ever!
What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner. Acknowledge what is important to your partner, and don’t discuss it with your friends, mother, their family, anyone! And certainly don’t speak back at them in an argument. A loving relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting relationships anyone can have.
9. Think first of your partner.
If they both do this, then they can’t help but win! Remember that first and foremost, you are partners. Please be aware of this and check back frequently to ensure you are acting as a partner and not as a competitor or evader. You’re in this together, and partnership is what it’s all about. Say ‘yes’ to your partner whenever you can… go to that sporting event with him, take him to that golf course because he loves golf, visit his family, make life easier for your partner, and hopefully do. the same to you! Reciprocity is the key.
10. Respect each other.
Don’t talk bad about your partner to anyone, not even joking! Negative words have a habit of sticking around and popping up when things go wrong. When you talk about your partner, let your respect and love shine through. Unless your partner is talking about something really sad (job loss, death, etc.) where a smile would be inappropriate, make eye contact and smile as you listen. Your partner will automatically feel more understood and loved, which will change the feeling level of the conversation. This doesn’t mean staring without blinking, but just staring frequently for a few seconds at a time, to communicate your attention.
11. Find a way to regroup every day.
Find out what works for both of you… eat together, meet for a drink at happy hour, skip the TV at night and just lie in bed in the dark, take a walk around the block, etc. You can even mix things up and vary your routine. If one of you is traveling, call home at night just to hear his voice. The point is to spend time together every day, just talking or breathing the same air, feeling connected. No matter how crazy you are with work, kids, and bills, setting aside regular time each week for marriage is essential. Have a “date night” that includes a “state of the union” discussion or go for a nice walk or car ride. Staying connected means things don’t build up to fighting status, and you’ll remember how good you are together. Don’t forget to celebrate and appreciate each other. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, so when you spend quality time together, you’ll both be more motivated to make your marriage the best it can be.
12. Try laughter.
If something frustrating happens, try to ease the tension with a little humor. After a difficult interaction in a store, on your way out, you might say, “That went well.” with a touch of irony. Or, when someone drops something and makes a mess, you could say “the gremlins are here again,” “there’s always something,” or “it could happen” to turn the stress into silliness. Don’t make fun of your partner, but use shared humor as a way of saying, “I know this is hard, but we’ll get through this.” Your partner will think of you as someone reassuring and helpful to have around when problems arise.
13. Use pleasant surprises.
Try a love note in your spouse’s briefcase, a smiley face Post-it on the bottom of the toilet seat, a flower, plant, card or balloon for no reason, or an unexpected pat on the butt, a hug, or a kiss to say “I’m having good thoughts about you, and I love you.”
14. Remember the good times.
“Remember when…” is a great start to a love conversation. It creates so many good feelings to remember what you were like when you dated, when you got married, when you first bought your house, when you had your first child, when you got that promotion. Reminding each other of your strong history together is one way to increase your bond.
15. Show off to your friends in the presence of your partner.
Of course, tell your partner to their face how much you care, but also make sure to tell your friends, while your partner is around, what a great guy or girl you married. “Harold is very attentive. He helped me with the house today.” Or “Sue is a great mother. She really gives the kids the feeling that they are loved and still keeps them going.” Or, “Did you hear? Fred got a big promotion. I’m so proud of him.” Or, “I don’t know what he would do without Judy. She’s so good with money.” Or, “Isn’t my sweetie looking great today? I’m so lucky.” Don’t worry if your partner looks embarrassed. He or she will also be pleased and will remember your bravado for a long time.
Remember… the more you put into your relationship, the more you earn! Make love and romance a part of your daily life!
Adapted from: How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together https://tinyurl.com/ycvrckus