Living together 24/7 in an RV – how do you do it?
Do you think you and your spouse or partner can live together 24 hours a day, seven days a week in 240 square feet of space or so? Put that way, it seems daunting, yet thousands do it happily in a RV or RV!
When you consider that for many of these couples, one or both have been working and away from home for years until just before taking off together in their RV, it means two adjustments. They not only adapt to living in a small space, but they also adapt to living together constantly. Either one can be a great fit. Adjusting to both of you together can strain the relationship. A little knowledge and planning can ease the path to this whole union.
Starting
At first, it may seem like you are on vacation. And you. That’s familiar and has past behavior to build on. As the days go by, it can seem like there is too much bonding. How do you deal with it? Here are some suggestions from other RVers. By the way, most notice two things:
- You and your spouse must like each other.
- Both you and your spouse must want to live this lifestyle, even if only for a certain period of time.
If you have those two things going for you, the rest can be worked out.
Ten techniques you can use
1. Own space: Have your own space, no matter how small. You can mark a certain place to sit in the evenings or a place to work on crafts or hobbies. Claim a closet or container underneath for the things you love to do: reading, carving, embellishing, knitting. Do not enter your spouse’s closet without permission. George and I have our spaces on the computer and we work to remember not to interrupt the other without asking permission. Although we are only a few feet apart, we have a sense of separation.
2. A withdrawal: The bedroom or perhaps a corner can be a “refuge” for those who need a little “space”. If one of you goes to the bedroom, you can say something to the other, or the other must ask permission to enter. However, using the bedroom as personal space should not interfere with each other’s bedtime.
3. Different bedtime times: One spouse may already stay up a little later or wake up earlier. This gives the other a little “alone” time.
4. Marriage savings: Whoever watches TV should only wear headphones. Listening to music should be the same unless both people want to listen to it. The fact that one partner is wearing headphones gives both of them a sense of privacy. I call the headphones “marriage savers!”
5. Solo activities: Do some activities on your own. You may travel in tight spaces, but that doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip and do everything together. Walking, biking, dog walking, shopping, platform maintenance can be done alone. I enjoy plays and George doesn’t. If there is a local theater production, I will attend by myself.
6. “Jaimie’s Day”: Substitute your name for Jaimie and go out for the day on your own. I learned this from Kay Peterson, one of the founders of the Escapees RV Club. When she felt like she needed some space, she would tell her husband that she needed a “perfect day.” You could go to the library or walk through a mall, something on your own. It didn’t have to involve spending money, just time out. Invariably these days were renewed and she had things to share with her husband.
7. Get involved: If you are staying at an RV park or resort, check to see if there are any activities in the park or in the community that might interest you. Invite your neighbors to sit down with a cup of coffee or a drink and an afternoon snack. If you’re going to be there for several days, you could arrange a get-together to work on a hobby like writing, beading, or quilting. Men can meet other men by raising the hood of their truck or motorhome!
8. Find friends: Join an RV club or interest group within it so you can have individual friends and couples who are friends. Working or volunteering on the road can give you time to do your own things, as well as the opportunity to interact with other people.
9. Recognize stress: Recognize when you are stressing about traveling. Packing and changing locations every day can be stressful. Schedule a few days to play, rest, and relax.
10. Communication skills: Improve your communication skills. Here are two techniques. One is to argue by the numbers. When you have a difference of opinion, indicate how important it is on a scale of one to ten. Often an item is very important to one and not so important to the other, so you are the one who makes the decision. If they both have you in a high position, then they must negotiate. but many decisions are no longer problems. The other is to designate one day a week to discuss, say Tuesday. And you can’t write it! On Tuesday you can discuss any of the topics of the week that you still remember!
Most of the couples we spoke with are closer and are best friends for having decided to go together in a motorhome. However, it can end the marriage. Either that or the couple will go off the road and return to a more conventional lifestyle where they have more physical space and their own activities. You can even get a job to get away from your spouse.
By respecting and acknowledging your partner’s need, and your own, for a personal physical and psychological space from time to time, you can create an even better relationship and enjoy this lifestyle. Keep in mind that your partner may need more or less space than you. Each must take responsibility for himself and find ways to meet this need. And remember not to take your partner’s genuine need as a personal affront to you or your relationship.