Questions and answers: reuniting with a lost love
>1. Who are the main candidates to rekindle a romance?
The most successful rekindled romances were between lost lovers who were 17 and older.
younger at the time of the initial romance – first loves – and had separated for
situational reasons, such as “parents disapproved”, “moved”. “he went to college”
etc. It did not matter the age of the couples: if they were 18 or 95 years old, the romance worked
the second time. In fact, the older they were for the meeting, the better their
chance of success.
>2. Is Lost & Found Love successful the second time?
Yes! In my sample of 2,000 people worldwide, ages 18-95, 72% of them reported
that they are “still together” with their lost and found lover. And these weren’t just
“good” romances; these were wildly sexual encounters of soul mates. The absence really does
grow heart found!
>3. What if the couples had been “first love”?
First loves had the highest “stay together” rate: 78% are happily reunited and
remain happily in love throughout their many years of marriage.
>4. Are rekindled romances more intense than other loves?
Yes. I asked the participants to rate the emotional involvement of the revived
romance, compared to all their other loves in the past, and 71% of them said they
this was their most intense romance of all. Furthermore, 61% of the participants said
that the rekindled romance started faster than any other romance in the past, and
that sexual participation was the BEST (63%).
>5. Why does rekindled love endure?
The couples grew up together, spent their formative years together, and many
of first loves reported that lost love became “the standard” for all his other
Romance. They knew each other well: they attended classes together, they knew each other
family and friends of others, shared roots and values. It is these similarities that
build bond strength. These romances are, deep down, friendships like
as well as romance.
>6. Isn’t there any research to suggest that this love could have a biological origin?
component?
Yes. Remember that expression used for teenagers, “oscillating hormones”? When
teenagers fall in love for the first time, hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin are
released when boyfriends are sexually aroused. These chemicals make
emotional memories in the brain, stored in an area called the amygdala. When the
lost lovers are reunited, those memories are released by the familiar sight, the smell,
touch, sound of long lost lover. The feelings are comforting and familiar and
also very sexually arousing!
>7. Why should this book be “required reading” for parents of teens?
The most common reason these romances broke up the first time was “parents
disapproved.” Not just disapproved, many of these couples were forcefully
separated by parents, with threats to their children, or manipulations such as
hiding letters from the bride. When these couples met, they were very
bitter and angry at their parents (living or dead) for costing them so many years when
they could have been happy together. Many lost their childbearing years
for this break. And why did the parents react that way? They just don’t
like the person” her son was dating.
I checked to see how these couples were doing a second time; that is, if the parents broke up
separate them, were the parents “right” and separated a second time? half of
time, they parted again, and half the time they remained happily together. Y
there is no way to predict, there is no way for parents to know what is right for their children.
It should make parents think twice before breaking up first loves.
>8. What can teens learn from this book?
I hear from many adolescent men and women who are heartbroken because
their first loves simply “left” them. Some say they are suicidal. From my research,
we learn that these are true loves, important loves, that should not be underestimated. Y
teens should take comfort in the fact that the breakup may not be forever. First
love could come back one day. Don’t sit back and wait for that, but keep it in
the bottom of your heart as hope for the future.
>9. Instead of reconnecting with a lost love, how about finding a long lost friend?
It’s really the same. In fact, a lot of my partners weren’t really into romances
first time. They were just friends, sometimes very young friends, like 8 or 9 years old.
old Shared roots are the important part; old friends make us feel comfortable
and we can talk about the old days. It is very healing to meet again.
>10. Is there anyone who should avoid looking for a Lost Love?
Yes. If one or both members of the couple are married to someone else. do not go
there! Don’t even look at the person to say hello. Even good marriages were established
danger for lost loves. People just didn’t realize that feelings come back
Very strong.
And if the person was abusive in any way the first time, forget about a meeting.
Personalities don’t change. The couples in my study who succeeded with a happy
the meeting had been separated by situations the first time; They did NOT check the
box “we didn’t get along”.
>11. What is your first piece of advice for anyone considering finding a lost item?
love?
They are very intense romances. Before beginning any dialogue with a lost love, ask
himself if he could handle what happened – a rejection, an affair, another
break up with that person. If the answer to any of these is “no”, it is better not to try it.
But if you’re single, divorced, or widowed, you may be for the best
Happened to you.
copyright © 2005 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.
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