The importance of self-control in learning tantra
You may wonder: why does a tantra teacher talk about self-control? Isn’t tantra about letting my desires run free and enjoying all the sexual emotions that I have been repressing up until now? Doesn’t every second tantra teacher I meet online promise me the power and freedom to indulge in unbridled erotic adventures?
Don’t believe these so-called tantric experts. They are frauds who have never bothered to understand what ancient tantra really teaches. They play on the sexual fantasies, fears, and feelings of inadequacy that plague most modern people today. As a tantra teacher who has received his knowledge from an unbroken line of Indian sages who first formulated this science, I can tell you that this is all nonsense.
Sex in a tantric relationship is based on the concept of worship, and not just any kind of worship. If you watch how a traditional Hindu in India performs his acts of worship, he will understand.
There are acts of purification. There are temporary periods of abstinence: from work, from food and from sex. There is a resolute devotion to the deity. There are rituals to help the worshiper stay focused, and his soul is transformed from a rough stone into a beautiful diamond in the process. And despite everything, great discipline and self-control are key factors.
In a tantric relationship, we leave behind our animal nature and instincts. There is no unbridled indulgence in sexual pleasures; rather, tantric sex is an act of worship, of devotion to the couple. It’s not about you, it’s about him or her. And in this selfless giving of pleasure as an act of worship, you yourself are filled with sublime joy and are rewarded with the highest form of both spiritual and erotic experience.
However, it is not easy to reach a state where you can give and receive in such a reverent way. Human beings are, by nature, inexperienced and selfish. Imagine a situation where you are ready to please your intimate partner and suddenly you lose all interest in anything but your own gratification.
It’s all over in a couple of minutes; you yourself feel the incompleteness of the act, but your partner has been completely ripped off. He or she feels used, maybe even abused.
When you learn tantra from an authentic tantric master, you are being trained to give and receive pleasure in a meaningful, reverent, and self-controlled way. There are no shortcuts to that state of being. You will have to walk the spiritual path that tantric seekers have had to follow throughout the centuries.
But when you’re far enough along in your training, the rewards are more than you could have imagined.