Why do men always want to get their wife back after an affair? I’ll tell you

I get this question a lot and I get it from women on both sides of this fence. Wives often ask this because they want to know if they can really believe her husband when he swears that he is done with the other woman. And, sometimes I hear this question from mistresses (some of whom are repeat offenders) who ask me why every time they get involved in this type of relationship and even fully invested in it, men eventually end up going back to their wife. .

From wives I often hear comments like “he says he wants to come back to me and he knows he made a big mistake for which he will make amends, but it’s hard for me to believe that he suddenly saw the light and changed.” his mind. Why do men do this? Is there an answer I’m missing?

From the mistress, I often hear comments like “why do you tell me that your marriage is unsatisfactory and that you really care about me and then end up going back to what you seemed to not want? Was you lying to me the whole time?”, or just Was he confused or what?

The answer to all these questions is as varied as the man himself, but very often, he finally realizes that he was hopelessly wrong in his assumptions and in his actions. And at the end of the day, all he really wants is to go back to his normal life (which he now realizes he took so much for granted). I will discuss this more in the next article.

Men often eventually return to their wives because they realize the affair was a mistake based on deceit and unhealthy assumptions: Before I continue, I must say that not all men who cheat will return to their wife. But many do. And those who do often do so because they realize the adventure was a silly mistake that will have far-reaching consequences.

At the beginning of the affair, a man often searches for a way to fix what is broken or missing within himself. At first, it may appear that the matter is achieving this. But the shiny novelty wears off relatively soon, and eventually most men wake up and wonder what kind of logic they were using. Eventually, they realize that making even more mistakes and using questionable judgment will in no way solve their problems.

In fact, they often find that they are actually worse off and more confused and frustrated than when they started. Most of them will realize that they have done nothing more than create a much bigger mess for themselves, and once they do, they will want to put an abrupt end to it.

I often have lovers email me confused and angry that the husband abruptly broke up when they, the lover, did nothing wrong. Often it is not necessarily the lover that is wrong, it is the relationship that is wrong. The husband comes to realize that there really isn’t anywhere this can go and that only negative things will come out. He therefore wants to escape and start fixing things as soon as possible.

Men often realize that the lover is not who they thought she was and that she has nothing to do with his wife: Let’s be honest. People who have affairs very often live in a fantasy land. The mistress appears seductive and carefree because she is not the one doing the laundry, watching her preen herself, or picking up the dirty socks. In the beginning, the mistress is usually quite good at keeping the heart light, and she is often very careful about asking too many questions or making too many demands.

But no one can keep this forever. Soon enough, these two people have to exist in real life and this is usually when the rose-colored glasses start coming out. And the view without them does not look so good. He comes to see that he and his mistress have the same problems as he and his wife. And that ultimately this woman is really a stranger to him and that the situation she has put herself in is very foolish and she has nowhere to go but down.

Men will often tell me that once they realize this, they realize what a jerk they’ve been. Suddenly they see her wife with a new look and realize how much they took her for granted and projected her own problems onto her.

Men often end an affair and return home when they realize they can’t run away from their problems: As I mentioned earlier, spouses often realize that they won’t be able to resolve their problems, stressors, and insecurities through someone else or in another relationship. Usually they will realize that they need to work on themselves or this problem will just follow them from relationship to relationship and continue to make them unhappy.

Once they realize this, they finally understand that they need to get to work with the one person they really care about, the one person they’ve been so unfair to and taken for granted: their wife. It’s so unfortunate that it takes a mistake of this magnitude to force men to wake up and realize that it’s often the woman who has been there for them all along and knows them better than anyone and is more equipped to help them navigate their lives. right now.

Sometimes the wife does not believe these claims and is not willing to pick up the pieces. And no one can really blame her. But, he is often sincere when she says that she can now look back and see that cheating was one of the biggest mistakes of her life and that she wants to make it right if she gets the chance. Many lovers will take it personally, but they really shouldn’t. The relationship didn’t have much of a chance early on, as it was built on dishonesty, deceit, and a fantasy world that never really existed.