10 Texting Rules for Dating Singles – Texting Guidelines and Dating Etiquette

I’ve found that texting is generally considered a nuisance for people over 40. For one thing, most of us have fingers that are NOT bony. Those little buttons on cell phones are ridiculously small. Plus, a lot of us have to find our reading glasses to be able to SEE the damn keyboard anyway! Women have the added challenge of long and/or false nails. Glamorous, sexy, make your hands look great. However, they have absolutely no traction on those little plastic buttons on a cell phone keypad.

So why is there so much hesitation to pick up the phone? Has texting become the latest addition to the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” list?
 
I think the growing preference for texting has a lot to do with its impersonal nature. It is much easier to start a new relationship by exchanging text messages than by talking. It’s also very easy to say and do things in front of a screen that one would never have the nerve to do face-to-face (or say ear-to-ear). I suppose that would make things easier, but it also creates new problems. Much of communication is non-verbal. When texting, the other party can’t pick up on those subtle nuances of communication, like tone of voice, giggles, heavy breathing, or body language that shows anxiety, happiness, or growing irritation.
 
It seems like texting is here to stay, but there needs to be some rules in place. After listening to dozens of complaints from friends, coworkers, and family about their relationships and texting, I came up with “10 Texting Rules for Singles.”
 
#1 Share updates or request simple instructions.Are you on your way but missed your train? Texting to update your date on your revised arrival time is thoughtful. On your way to the store and can’t remember what you’re supposed to buy for dinner at her house? Getting a shopping list via text can be a lifesaver and a relationship! Did you have a great first date? Send a text the next day to say, “Wow, I had a great time with you!” it’s a low-key, no-pressure way to express appreciation for someone’s time.
 
#2 Never text while on a date.You’d think everyone would know that by now, but I guess common sense isn’t very common! Texting during a face-to-face conversation is just as rude as chattering on a call. If you’re on a date and you want to see that person again, don’t sit around texting (or Twittering) all the time, or some of the time, or even not at all. That includes your best friend sneakily trying to find out how things are going, the Masters of electronically transmitted whining (the kids), or an angry ex who saw you and your date in the restaurant parking lot. Manners and courtesy must reign supreme.

#3 Texts should never replace a real conversation.Text messages are just for conveying unimportant information or short, simple messages, not deep conversation. More than four texts in a row… it’s time to pick up the phone. Middle-aged fingers and hands cramp easily, okay? Oh, and if you notice that you’re having most of your relationship through text, you should either move things to the face-to-face level or just end it.

Like I said, the inherently impersonal nature of texting allows someone to “stay in touch” and keep relationship fantasies alive, but keep emotional distance by never spending time with you. I’ve met guys who cut and paste and send the same text message to a dozen women at about the same time. It’s a time-saving way to cast a wide net and see who lets you over for sex. Women shouldn’t make it so easy to be used for uncommitted booty calls.

#4 Does anyone care less about you?Don’t send text after text describing your every move, every conversation, or every thought. The fact that your co-worker has been late for the tenth time this month is of no importance to anyone but you. Get it? Unless the text involves the recipient in some way and is very urgent (or at least a fun prank to break up our day), then don’t send a text.

#5 Don’t send compromising photos.Are people these days crazy? What the hell is going on with this “sexting” stuff? Why would women send photos of nude body parts (including their genitals) via cell phones? Ladies, that behavior is not only classless, it’s ridiculously dangerous. And if the sender or receiver of a sexually oriented text is a minor, that’s also illegal.

The long-term repercussions of this kind of relaxed attitude on one’s body have worried me for a long time. Women are likely to be humiliated to find out that they are the brunt of the pranks, as men often share the sexy text messages they receive from random women with their friends and get a good laugh. Then they will label you and it will not be flattering. Think before acting.

It’s also important to remember that some people don’t do well with breakups and their revenge erupts like an erupting volcano. Your photos or videos could end up anywhere on the internet, in a magazine, a movie, or in a composite photo of someone else’s body doing something horrible, topped by YOUR FACE.

#6 If you’ve been drinking, stay away from the keyboard!People will say and do things with schnapps in their systems that they would NEVER do if they were sober. What kinds of things have I heard you ask? Sexual solicitations to people known to have no interest, fights from months ago renewed with vigor due to unresolved anger, personal questions and voluntary personal information in one direct and stupid move. Liquid Courage does that to people! Although alcohol does not put ideas in our heads, a little alcohol definitely relaxes the limitations that we have in our mouths and, obviously, in our fingers. So if you’ve been to happy hour or had a few martinis at home, don’t text anyone. Your texting privileges are revoked until you are 100% sober.

#7 Don’t expect instant gratification.Don’t get mad if you don’t get a response seconds after sending a text. People over the age of 25 typically have full-time jobs, families, and things to do that involve their hands, like cooking, typing, and driving. They will call you back with a text or phone call when they can. It should also be remembered that technology is great, but not perfect. I have sent text messages that did not reach their destination for 45 minutes to several hours! I have also had the same problem receiving broadcasts sent to me by others.

#8 Always be aware of your “tone of voice” and communication style.It’s hard to discern the sender’s tone in text messages, just like in email. What may be taken as humorous sarcasm, or a completely innocuous message to you, can easily be misunderstood by the recipient of your text. Such miscommunication can cause hurt feelings and unnecessary tension, and requires an incredible amount of apology and explanation to fix. In some cases it will cost you the relationship. Look at the shorthand and acronyms too. Not everyone is aware of the textn newway lingo, and his message may leave sum1 scratching his head in sayn L8tr4u vs ROFLMAO confusion.

#9 Asking for dates via text is a No-No.Texting to make an appointment is fake! Have the courage to speak up and risk rejection like a big boy or girl. Yes, I know you’ve recently returned to the dating scene, talking to someone you don’t know well feels awkward, and asking for a date when you can hear “no!” it’s scary. But one of the main qualities singles look for is a confident partner who goes after what he or she wants. Confident and secure people have a very sexy air… passive, hesitant and insecure people don’t.

#10 Don’t break him up over text.It also does not use Twitter, Facebook, AIM, My Space, MSN messenger, email or fax. Using any form of casual, emotionally disconnected electronic communication to dump someone is bullshit. He’s not just immature, he’s just plain rude. If you choose to treat other people that way, don’t be surprised when your text message spreads and ends up on Twitter, Facebook, My Space, and all over the world’s message boards. Be an adult, why don’t you, and tell people over the phone (at least) that the two of you aren’t compatible and that you’re moving on.

Text messaging is not necessarily a tool of The Devil, but there can be some misunderstanding and miscommunication if not used correctly. Texting is a great way to stay connected with someone you’re head over heels in love with and a useful tool for getting in touch with casual or new partners. However, text messages do not and will not replace a heart-to-heart phone conversation filled with sighs and laughter.