Art therapy and loss

When you lose someone you love deeply, there are lessons beyond what you can imagine. Some painful and heartbreaking and others humiliating and heart-opening. Every loss is an opportunity for growth (within yourself and closer to others). No matter who you are, you will experience losses in your life. The loss of a grandparent, parent, sibling, child, pet, spouse, friend, or family member. Loss is inevitable and comes in many forms: withdrawal from friends and family, loss of an important relationship, divorce, loss of a job, changes in school, loss of physical health, saying goodbye to someone who travels far away, or having a Empty nest. Life is continually in a state of flux and loss is part of the cycle.

So how can we live with grace and compassion and open up to these experiences when we encounter them (rather than shutting down, hiding, denying, or minimizing these most important moments)? I don’t have the answers, but I am in the process of learning and this is what I have discovered.

1. Allow yourself to be in the feelings.
People fear being overwhelmed by emotions if they allow themselves to feel deeply. The truth is, the more you ignore, avoid, or try to overcome these feelings, the more they will drain and overwhelm you. Accept what you are feeling and what you need to be able to go through the experience gracefully.

2. Give yourself time.
There are stages of grief and loss and they don’t develop overnight. Please be gentle and kind to yourself and do not try to force the process quickly. When you honor their needs and give yourself time to heal, you will move forward with an open heart, knowing that what is unfolding is at the perfect time.

3. Allow yourself to detach from trying to control the circumstances and the results.
We all know the Serenity Prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” There are many things beyond your control when you experience loss and surrendering to what you cannot control allows you to refocus on yourself and what you really need. Being still and concentrating on the “here and now” gives you the opportunity to let go of what you cannot control and soften what you can.

4. Support and love is the way through loss.
There is an opportunity to open your heart and be vulnerable to those in your life during this process. When you are honest and allow others to accompany you on your healing journey, you create deeper relationships. This has been the greatest gift of my experience and I am grateful for all those who have lovingly offered me support and understanding in this time of loss.

5. Find comfort in creation.
During some of the most difficult moments in my life, I have considered art as a balm for my soul. Art allows a soft resting place for pain. I have used art to honor those losses and those I have loved, as well as a gift to myself to help heal and nurture my soul.

Here are some creative therapy activities you can take to help you cope with the loss. Knit, sew or create jewelry. These activities allow you to assert control over materials, provide a repetitive action meditation or prayer experience. Create a photo collage or scrapbook as a way to process and honor memories. Create clay or cement art by embedding special items in the middle, or glue items into a box or candle to represent your memories and feelings.

I believe that we not only need to learn from these experiences for ourselves, but also model this for our children and families.